I feel lost and alone, but not necessarily lonely. I have retreated into my shell - it is quiet and private. There is a piece of me that fears becoming trapped in here. I wonder how long I could do this.
I have a small fantasy of someone taking care of me - it sounds so selfish. I just don't have it in me to try hard, to move forward. Sometimes it seems all I can manage is to keep up the house and care for the animals. And honestly, that isn't always the case - the dishes pile up and errands go un-run.
I nap, I sketch, I go for strolls - nothing too aerobic. I feel I should move more, eat less - my pants are tight. The weight that fell off me in my last few weeks with Mike is back with a vengeance.
I don't feel teary this week, just stuck in some stasis mode. There are things I should do, calls I should make. I do the basics and that has to be enough.
The animals and I take long naps - newton purrs and gazes into my eyes kneading the soft flesh of my neck and sometimes my face - ouch. Tehya keeps my feet warm and allows me the occasional hug. Einstein is soft and warm; grateful to sit in the crook of my left arm while we watch another Big Bang Theory re-run.
This is where I find comfort - in the familiar.
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