A New Year...

As I walk around the house this morning, I feel disoriented, unsettled. It's a new year. A new year without Mike. It feels like there is a greater distance between us and it hurts.

I notice that I go for weeks without feeling the grief and sorrow.

As I got ready to go to a New Year gathering last night, I realized I hadn't done that in awhile - getting ready to go out for an evening event. It felt strangely like when an able bodied Mike and I would get ready to go out for an evening. It was a strange feeling, to miss a time so long ago. It occurs to me that I may not have grieved the losses that occurred along the ALS path.

I will sit and wait. And this too shall pass. Actually, it will not pass but dissolve into a greater understanding of life. Someone had asked me what my New Year's goals were....

To be present and to continue writing and creating without judgement.

So, this New Years Day morning, 1/1/13, I sit and remain present. Breathing in, breathing out. Writing and creating.